Davina Kotulski


Davina Kotulski is a clinical psychologist, writer and same-sex marriage activist and leader in the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Equal Rights movement. Kotulski began publicly advocating for same-sex marriage in 1999. Kotulski is the author of It's Never Too Late to Be Your Self, Why You Should give a Damn About Gay Marriage and Love Warriors: The Rise of the Marriage Equality Movement and Why it Will Prevail.

Background

Kotulski was born in Oregon. She earned her Bachelor of Science in psychology at Portland State University. In 1991 Kotulski relocated to the San Francisco Bay Area in California to attend graduate school. She received her Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology at Alliant University in 1996.

Career

Kotulski worked as a psychologist for the Bureau of Prisons at a women's federal prison from 1996 to 2008. Her novel Behind Barbed Eyes is based on her work at the prison.
Kotulski opened a private therapy practice in Berkeley, California, and relocated her practice to Los Angeles in 2012, where she currently resides.
Kotulski is a member of the advisory board of Marriage Equality USA and is a speaker on LGBTQ equality and diversity. She teaches mental health and health care professionals how to work with LGBTQ people and their families.

LGBT activism and leadership

In 1996, Kotulski met Molly McKay. In 1999, the couple became involved in working for civil marriage for LGBTIQ couples. That same year, Kotulski led a panel discussion at the California Psychological Association to discuss organizing against the Knight Initiative. She met Tom Henning that same year and joined Californians for Same-Sex Marriage, an organization committed to proactively putting same-sex marriage on the ballot in California.
Beginning in February 2001, Kotulski and her formerly "unlawfully wedded" wife, Molly McKay, began going to City Halls in the San Francisco Bay Area asking for marriage licenses and organizing annual "Marriage License Counter" protests to draw attention to the hundreds of rights same-sex couples are denied.
Kotulski and McKay joined Marriage Equality USA and with L.J. Carusone and others, Kotulski and McKay, founded Marriage Equality California. They began organizing events such as annual Tax Day Protests held on April 15 to point out the inequities same-sex couples face with regard to taxation and representation, and launched an effort to legalize same-sex marriage in California. Kotulski served on the California Freedom to Marry's Outreach Committee. (The California Freedom to Marry Coalition morphed into the Equality Alliance and is now known as the Let California Ring Campaign under the auspices of Equality California's Equality California Institute.
To recognize the life of Diane Whipple, to honor her survivor Sharon Smith, and to point out the injustices same-sex survivors face, Kotulski helped organize the Diane Whipple Anniversary march on January 26, 2002.
On October 11, 2003, she organized Come Out For Equality bringing together straight allies, clergy like Reverend Cecil Williams and San Francisco Poet Laureate, Janice Mirikitani, LGBT service members and veterans, binational couples, and children of same sex parents to elevate support for rights for LGBT people and address the perceived injustices of the Don't ask, don't tell Policy and the Defense of Marriage Act and to raise awareness for the Uniting American Families Act formerly known as the Permanent Partners Immigration Act.

The Winter of Love

On February 12, 2004, Kotulski and McKay arrived at San Francisco City Hall for their fourth annual marriage license counter action. That's when they learned that Mayor Gavin Newsom had changed the marriage license application to applicant 1 and applicant 2 and had allowed Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon to marry. He also told the County Clerk to begin allowing same-sex couples to marry, in what would become known as San Francisco's 2004 Winter of Love. As soon as they finished their rally, Kotulski and McKay became the 17th couple to wed at San Francisco's City Hall, married by Assemblymember Mark Leno. They honeymooned at the Marriage Equality Valentine's Day Rally, organized by Kotulski and McKay with other same-sex marriage leaders – the rally featured comedian Margaret Cho. They and several other newlyweds then planned a Northern California Marriage Equality Visibility and Educational Bus Tour.

The Marriage Equality Express

In August 2004 the California Supreme Court invalidated their marriage, along with those of 4,000 other couples. Kotulski's response was to organize a Marriage Equality Caravan with the help of Molly McKay, Belinda Ryan, Wendy Daw, Jacqueline Frank, and Bev Senkowski. On October 4, 2004, Kotulski and 43 other activists loaded a bus and traveled across the country stopping in 13 states and hosting same-sex marriage forums and panels at universities and churches. The Marriage Equality Express culminated in the first national same-sex marriage rally in Washington, D.C., on October 11, 2004, National Coming Out Day. The rally featured the Hawaii Marriage Case Plaintiff Genora Dancel; Beth Robinson, Attorney in the Vermont Freedom to Marry case; Reverend Jimmy Creech, a Methodist minister who was defrocked for marrying same-sex couples and leader of Soulforce; Dr. Sylvia Rhue, National Black Justice Coalition; Robin Tyler, organizer for gay rights marches in Washington, DC and founder of StopDr..Laura.com; Kathy Kelly, Marriage Equality Georgia; Musicians Tuck and Patti, who sang what Davina, Molly and the husband and wife duo agree is the theme song to the Marriage Equality Movement-"Love Warriors"; politicians Mark Leno and Eleanor Holmes Norton. Marriage Equality Caravaners also told their stories.

Marriage Equality USA

In November 2004, she became the deputy director of Marriage Equality USA and co-organized a LIFT THE BAN rally in Oakland, California, with the Service Members Legal Defense Network, Equality California, and Bay Area American Two Spirits. In June 2005 she became the Executive Director of Marriage Equality USA, replacing Connie Ress. After ending her term as E.D. Kotulski joined the Advisory Board of Marriage Equality USA. Kotulski has continued to participate in same-sex marriage actions, including the marriage counter actions. Kotulski served as the Executive Director of Marriage Equality USA 2005–2007.
In 2006, she debated Maggie Gallagher, the director of the right wing, anti-gay, National Organization of Marriage, at Brown University. The Southern Poverty Law Centerincluded NOM on its Winter 2010 list of "anti-gay groups" that "have continued to pump out demonizing propaganda aimed at homosexuals.

Publications

Kotulski's first book on marriage equality "Why You Should Give a Damn About Gay Marriage" was released in March 2004.
In 2010, her book Love Warriors: The Rise of the Marriage Equality Movement and Why It Will prevail was published.
Kotulski released a coming out program for LGBTQ people and their families How to Come Out of the Closet and Into Your Power in 2011. She continues to help LGBTQ people come out of the closet and end internalized homophobia.

Personal life

In 2008, twelve years into their relationship, Kotulski and McKay were legally married after the California Supreme Court struck down the state ban on gay marriage in their ruling on "In re Marriage Cases". Kotulski and McKay have appeared together on CNN, Newsweek, Time Magazine and USA Today. In June 2011, Kotulski and McKay separated and began divorce proceedings. Kotulski has since spoken out about the right of same sex couples to divorce as a part of the fight for same-sex marriage.

Filmography and documentaries

Kotulski is featured in three documentaries: Freedom to Marry, Pursuit of Equality, and I Will, I Do, We Did following the San Francisco marriages that took place in 2004, as well as several television shows including American Quest, documenting the National "Marriage Equality Express", and a Queer Nation TV special in New Zealand.
She also starred in Sarah Silverman's Facebook production "" with comedians, Rory Scovel and Natalie Palimades.

Books and articles

In 2019, Kotulski's non-fiction book It's Never Too Late to Be Your Self was selected as a Finalist in the International Book Awards for self-help. In 2018, Kotulski's non-fiction book It's Never Too Late to Be Your Self won a Silver Nautilus Award] for self-help. In 2016, her book Behind Barbed Eyes won a Gold Nautilus Award for fiction.
In 2009 Kotulski and McKay were Community Grand Marshals of the San Francisco, CA PRIDE Parade
In 2006, Kotulski and McKay received the Michael Switzer Leadership Award from New Leaf Counseling Center in San Francisco, CA.
In 2004, Kotulski received the "Saints Alive" Award from the San Francisco Metropolitan Community Church and was "sainted" by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence for her activism and advocacy on behalf of marriage for all couples.
In 2003, Kotulski and McKay received the "Defenders of Love" Award from the East Bay Pride Committee.