The Toucher and Rich Show

Show Members

• Fred "Toucher" Toettcher - Host
• Rich Shertenlieb - Co-host, Production
• Jon Wallach - Sports Headlines
• Dan O'Brien - Executive Producer
• Mike Lockhart - Production Director/Producer. Co-host of the 98.5 The Sports Hub Fantasy Football Show on Sunday mornings during the NFL Season
• "Intern Nick" Gemelli - Producer, Phone Screener – Nick interned for the show during WBCN and part of a number of segments including the "Agonizing Race”. In July 2008, Nick abruptly left the show and allegedly stole a shirt from the prize closet. He remained friends with Fred and Rich and regretted the way he left. On June 1, 2016, Nick came back to the show after Adolfo's departure. He’s responsible for Drunken Recaps, ‘Ask A Pink Hat’ and other street audio segments for the show. Notable segments include interviewing Jaromir Jagr about his aura of sexiness, “Backes Boyz” which David Backes from the Boston Bruins sang hit songs from the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC. Nick also discovered two popular characters: Rock & Roll Mike and the Guy from Machine. In June 2018, Nick had open heart surgery and had a mechanical heart valve implanted, which ticks loudly. This led to Fred frequently referring to Nick as "Young Sickly Nick." He currently runs the show's live Twitch stream.
• Jonathan "Bird" Marchant - Call Screener. Bird jumped on the scene during the first round of Toucher and Rich's 98-Mile rap battles where he performed to the tune of Without Me by Eminem vs. "Intern Nick" Gemelli. He referred to Nick as underclassman and asked if he "could speak to a seinyah" with his strong, heavy Boston accent. Fred is intrigued by the actions of Bird. Bird lives in a five-room home with his parents and his sister in Everett, MA, where he was born and will most likely die. He is the owner of the highly coveted and sought after 32oz can of Monster Energy Drink, and sports an expansive collection of pots and pans. He was once quoted as saying, "a dirty room is... uh... a dirty... a dirty room is a smart or whatever".

  Former Show Members

• Adolfo Gonzalez, Jr. - incompetent phone screener and street reporter who conducts interviews for the Drunken Red Sox, Bruins, Celtics, and Patriots recaps. Is often remarked on for his depressingly neglectful childhood and his exceptionally poor grasp of the English language and frequent incorrect application of English grammar. He is also noted for having a somewhat accurate knowledge of random facts associated with American History in particular facts and dates related to World War II. Widely acknowledged as the most disliked member of the morning program after a scientific poll was commissioned by 98.5 The Sports Hub. Adolfo's last day was May 31, 2016, in order to return to college full-time.
• Christopher "Crash" Clark - 3rd chair during the WBCN era. He covered traffic, news, sports and more. alcoholic/hypochondriac, suave ladies' man, self-admitted sexual deviant, and all around party animal! At one time held the official title of "Night Time Naughty Guy". Crash left the show and returned to Atlanta in 2010. He now works at WXIA-TV as a traffic reporter.
• B-Real - Show Producer during the WBCN era

  104.1 WBCN

Contributors

• the Chili Guy: A frequent bit on the show involved interviewing a schizophrenic homeless man known as "The Chili Guy". His rants and catch-phrases are a favorite on the show, including "Couple beers, no beers...chili", "Bring Him Up On Racketeering Charges!", "Who's Buyin'? Who's Sellin'? Who's Buyin'? Who's Sellin'?" and "How many eights you got?". His favorite food is from "Pizza House", and his favorite beverage is "Red Drink". He claims to be related to Ted DiBiase and Hulk Hogan. The Chili Guy was most often interviewed by Adolfo Gonzalez, though members of the show and Fred's wife interviewed him at various times. The Chili Guy is believed to have died.
• Dungeon Master Jim: a Boston lawyer whose main hobby is gaming. DMJ is the T&R definitive source for all things nerdy on the show, and he has begun to have his own segments on the movie review bits. He also hosts "Warp Speed To the Weekend", which is a weekly segment on T&R where Jim discusses the latest events in sci-fi and fantasy for the weekend. The "Warp Speed To the Weekend" segment usually airs on Fridays at 8:30 am.
• The Gunner: An often inebriated caller who begins every call by saying "Hey guys... hey." Pieces with The Gunner include his karaoke of various popular songs. Frequently challenges Adolfo to a "panty drinking contest", which involves chugging beers through a woman's used panties. To this day, many loyal listeners begin their calls with "hey guys, hey" in honor of The Gunner. The Gunner died on April 16, 2019.
• Mike "Behind The Mic" Callahan: A broadcaster from Dean College that sent in a demo tape in the hope that he could take Rich's job. Mike was tasked with making theme songs for all of the towns involved in the "Five Towns in Five Days" promotion that Toucher and Rich presented. MBTM continues to submit off-key song parodies.
• Rich Cronin: This former member of boy band L.F.O. became a show favorite with his candid and self-effacing tales of a Boston guy in Hollywood, getting hit on by manager Lou Perlman, and scoring and being dumped by Jennifer Love Hewitt.
• The T.A.R.D.S: The Toucher and Rich Show's fan base, standing for "Toucher And Rich Derelicts/Diehards/Disciples/Degenerates/Drunks".
• Adam-12: Current Host on WBOS. Formerly on WBCN, WFNX, RadioBDC and Indie 617. Adam helped on several bits including "The Church of Scientology" commercial.

  Popular segments

• Ask Crash: Fans of the show can email Crash questions, which he answers on the air every Thursday. Responses or advice are usually conveyed with Crash humorously reminiscing about one of his many debaucherous life experiences. These accounts often involve inappropriate sexual activities, careless drugs/alcohol abuse, life-endangering situations, potentially criminal activities, unprofessional behavior at work, and a general disregard for the accepted conventions of a modern society. One answer is usually in the form of a sarcastic song parody.
• Best of Boston: An annual contest to determine who has the best face, butt, boobs and feet in Boston. Winners get tickets to the "chili pot" St. Patrick's Day concert where they can win a trip.
• Drinking Games/Competitions:

  98.5 The Sports Hub

Popular segments

• Fart Court: Fred, Rich, and Wallach take famous celebrities to court for passing gas. Notable celebrities found guilty include Nancy Grace, Wendy Williams, and the stations own Scott Zolak, who to this day, does not admit guilt.
• The Hot Take Police: Fred and Rich find and call out people in the media who have incredibly hot and outrageous takes on popular sports events/controversies
• Drunken Celtics/Bruins/Red Sox recap: a member of the show goes out and interviews drunks outside of stadiums and bars after Celtics, Bruins and Red Sox games. The first meeting with the Chili Guy came during a drunken Red Sox recap.
• Dating on Demand: The show analyzes cable company dating videos submitted by less than desirable folks while offering humorous commentary.
• Ask a Pink Hat: The show finds a less-than-knowledgeable and/or drunk female fan wearing a pink Red Sox cap and asks her basic questions about the Red Sox or other local sports team.
• Naughty Massarotti: Tony Massarotti reads Tweets and callers must decide whether they are real or he is making them up. Also used for describing "R-rated sex scenes" from select movies.
• What's In Your Stack: Adolfo goes to a local Comic Book Store or Convention on a Wednesday to talk to customers about what comics they are buying and to ask several basic questions. The show attempts to guess their answers.
• The T&R Draft: The show draft teams of people, TV shows, movies, etc. that fit into certain categories, such as "Hottest TV Moms," "Celebrities that need their own reality TV show," "Best Movie fight scene," and more. Draft order is determined by the flip of a "3-headed coin," usually resulting in Jon going last. The winner is determined by a poll of audience votes.
• The Jon Gruden "This Guy" Challenge: Played on Tuesdays during the NFL season, Rich compiles the funniest and most ridiculous clips from ESPN NFL analyst Jon Gruden during his commentary of the previous night's Monday Night Football game, and a caller must decide whether or not Gruden will refer to players and/or coaches as "This Guy" during each clip.
• 98 Mile: Various on-air and off-air personalities at 98.5 The Sports Hub compete one on one in a ranked bracketed "rap battle" style tournament to determine who can rap and roast their assigned opponents in the most humorous and cleverest manner. The eventual winner of the contest was Damon Amendolara in year 1 and Jon Wallach in year 2. 98 Mile then went on a 3-year hiatus, returning in 2015 when Rich Keefe won the competition. Dan Roche won in year 4. The final round of year 4's competition was performed live at T&R's 10th Anniversary show, with Roche taking on Scott Zolak. Of note there were numerous references to Felger and Massarotti's producer James Stewart having an emotionless personality and fitting the stereotypical profile of a serial murderer. The name of the contest is a reference to the film 8-Mile.
• Know Your Armpits of America: Rich gives a short description of a real news story, while Fred and Jon Wallach guess the town where the story occurred.
• Best of/Worst of Brackets: In this bit, the cast creates March Madness-style brackets in order to pit pop culture figures against one another, usually in a field of 16. The most notorious of these bits was the "Worst Comedians" bracket, which garnered international attention from various media outlets and comedy blogs. Other examples include "Worst Sportscaster", "Most Fascinating Person in Boston", "Douchiest Douchebag" featuring pick up artist extraordinaire Mystery, Brandon from Incubus, Guy Fieri, and others. "Best Internet Video".
• Faster Guy: An heir-apparent to the Chilli Guy, the Faster Guy is a well-meaning, mid-western-accented, pop-music loving hang-about that frequently runs into Adolfo outside the TD Garden and Fenway Park as the latter collects drunken recaps. The Faster Guy is known to favor non-sequiturs and has various theories about the qualities that make up a good sports team. The best attribute anything can have, of course, is the simple ability to go "faster", which in the Faster Guy's eyes cures many of life's ills. The crowning moment of a Faster Guy segment is usually when he finally references the word "faster", underscored by a dramatic rendition of "O Fortuna.
• Paul Finebaum Calls: Fred, Rich & Jon listen to the best and strangest calls into The Paul Finebaum Show, featuring regular callers like Mildred and Charles Allen Head, known best for introducing himself by saying, "Hey, Happy Tuesday/Wednesday."
• The Townie Test: Nick finds someone at a major event, whether it be a St. Patrick's Day parade or a Dropkick Murphys concert or some other event, and Fred and Wallach attempt to guess the contestant's answers to a series of questions. The intro song is sung over Shippin' up to Boston by the Dropkick Murphys
• Mark Gemelli: Intern Nick Gemelli's father, whom Nick lived with after recovering from open heart surgery. Mark Gemelli lives in a one-bedroom apartment in the North End, overlooking a parking garage. Mark enjoys cooking meatballs, drinking Manhattans at 3pm, and thinks his son has "dick tendencies." He has an affinity for recliners, preferring to sleep in one over his bed. Shortly before Christmas in 2018, Toucher and Rich hosted "Mark Gemelli Christmas," where Mr. Gemelli was taken to Bernie and Phyl's in Saugus, MA and was allowed to pick out a new, free recliner.
• Jim Gray Interview - While on "Radio Row" in Atlanta prior to Super Bowl LIII, washed-up sportscaster Jim Gray joined Fred, Rich and Jon for an interview. The exchange lasted less than five minutes, with Gray giving curt, defensive answers about his friendships with Tom Brady and Oprah Winfrey. Upon being called out by Fred for not wanting to be there, Gray wished the show luck as they went to the headlines segment. While Jon read his headlines, Gray berated Fred and Rich off-air. Gray's off-air temper tantrum was featured on the show's Twitch stream.