Dear John (British TV series)

Characters

Major characters

• John Lacey — a secondary-school teacher whose wife leaves him for his best friend, Mike. He is thrown out of his home and has to continue paying the mortgage on the marital home while living in a bedsit. Although John's wife is manipulative and John can be considered the wronged party, he admits in retrospect that he may have neglected his wife emotionally. He feels cut off from his son, to whom he has access only on Sundays. They end up at the zoo because it's the only place open, his son saying they've seen one penguin so many times that the first time they came "he was an egg". John's problems come from inability or unwillingness to confront someone or from being "too nice" – situations rebound in unexpected ways.
• Kate — an outwardly 'frigid' woman with three failed marriages. She continually spars with Kirk, whose growing lust for her becomes a running theme. At one point, she shares a bed with John, although it is suggested that nothing more than sleeping happened, as they were both drunk at the time. Eventually, she goes to Greece and finds a boyfriend, only to make a surprise reappearance in the show's final episode.
• Ralph Dring — a shy, timid & rather mousy man with absolutely no image at all, whose only real friend is a terrapin named 'Terry' and who married a Polish woman called Blomlika. She was a defector who, worked as a welder at the Gdańsk Shipyard, was smuggled out of Poland by her brother by "hiding in the bottom of a Polish Army mobile field kitchen" and deserted Ralph on their wedding day. He develops a genuine friendship with Kirk, even though Kirk outwardly holds his boring demeanour in some disdain. He often gives Kirk a lift home on his motorcycle combination due to Kirk's 'Porsche' always "being in dock". In series two, Ralphy makes a "shrewd investment" by buying a mobile discotheque from a friend and adopts the persona of disc jockey Dazzling Darren Dring; a name conjured up by Kirk. Unfortunately, he only has two records in his 'collection'; Green Door by Shakin' Stevens, and another unnamed track which is scratched so it is never played. His microphone patter and act are not nearly as glitzy as his name, unanimated and interjecting his performance with such comments as "Get down", "Do that funky thing" and "Don't give me that jive, Clive" in his normal monotone voice.
• Kirk St Moritz / Eric Morris — a crass, tactless chauvinist, who claims to drive a Porsche and dresses in the style of John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. Kirk is shown at the end of series one to be nothing more than an alter ego created by Eric Morris who, though he is in his mid-thirties, lives in shabby circumstances with an overbearing mother who calls him "Big Ears". His room contains a number of toy guns and models whilst the walls are covered with action movie posters. In reality, he still has the mindset of a teenager who longs for a more exciting life. His long, rambling and often preposterous anecdotes about his "experiences" cruising the California highways on his Harley Davidson, seducing nuns, military service with the Royal Marines and clandestine missions during the Vietnam War with his "buddy" Wang, contrast with the audience's newly gained knowledge that Eric is really a sad, shy man who has made little impact in wider life. In the series' final episode, however, we see that perhaps there are aspects of Kirk that are more real than perhaps even Eric realises when he displays courage and honour to protect his friends in a perilous situation.
• Louise — the leader of the group. Something of a Sloane Ranger with a plummy accent who often ends sentences with "Yah?" or "You will enjoy it", she divorced her husband because of his fetishistic tendencies and remains obsessed with other people's sex lives. This may be her reason for organising the group and is most certainly the cause of her catchphrase "Were there any sexual problems?" She also insists on pronouncing Ralph's name in the more old-fashioned style of "Rafe".
• Sylvia — a nervous woman with an irritating laugh who divorced her husband because of his transvestism. She is held as a figure of fun by Louise who, much to Sylvia's embarrassment, often persuades her to share her experiences in front of the whole group. This is seen when Sylvia is moved from her Wednesday night meeting to John's Friday night meeting. Sylvia finds John attractive and makes an attempt to invite him to her house for a romantic meal. John does not feel the same way and the two never become involved any further than friendship. It is suggested that other members of her previous Wednesday night group found her highly annoying, resulting in an attempt by one member trying to run her over with a car twice. This explains the reason for her being moved to the Friday night group.

  Minor characters

• Mrs Arnott — quiet, hat-wearing Mrs Arnott generally sits at the back dressed in dowdy clothing, occasionally chipping in with unexpected comments, such as that her husband used to make her play hoopla with ring doughnuts. Eventually, she leaves the group to look after her daughter's children when her daughter goes to work in Africa for VSO. She is often tactlessly referred to as "the fat lady" by Kirk. Even in her presence.
• Toby Lacey — Ralph Bates's real-life son portrays his screen son, Toby.
• Wendy — John's sexually manipulative and bossy ex-wife.
• Mike Taylor — Wendy's rugby-playing live-in lover and one of the causes of John's marriage breakdown. John's ex-best friend, Mike was helped by John when he went through a bad patch in his life. Whenever John mentions Mike, he adopts an ape-like stance and likens him to a Honey Monster. He was later played by Roger Blake.
• Ken — Ken is John's teaching colleague and he and his wife Maggie have a strained marriage. Despite using a variety of contraceptives, he and Maggie have still managed to produce five children, whose upkeep and company he finds a constant burden. In contrast to John's simple desire to have a simple, loving relationship, Ken wants to spread his oats and has nothing but envy for what he imagines is John's new life of sexual freedom. This is due to John 'beefing up' the image of the 1-2-1 Club with ridiculous accounts of members such as "the Filipino twins", and his exploits in "the hot tub" in order to make his dull life sound much more exciting. Even though John attempts to convince Ken that the tales are pure fantasy, Ken refuses to accept this and joins the 1-2-1 Club looking for adventure. In order to validate his reasons for joining, he gives a woeful tale to the rest of the group that he and Maggie have been divorced for some time, that they are childless and he'd always wanted children. He starts to become romantically involved with Kate who sees him as a kindred spirit but the affair is discovered by Maggie after Kirk gives her an anonymous telephone tip-off. Ken never discovers the identity of the real informer and blames John. Later in the second series, Ken and Maggie seem to be working on their differences and Ken agrees to have a vasectomy. His envy for, John's 'freedom' as a divorcee never entirely dissipates.
• Maggie — Ken's wife who finds him extremely irritating.
• Mrs Lemenski — John's neighbour. She is a Polish woman of advancing years, who frequently encounters John in embarrassing circumstances, such as hitting his head on the wall in frustration. She refers to him as "you loony person" or "fruitcake person". She reveals herself to be a lonely woman, who was widowed in the Second World War.
• Mrs Morris — Kirk/Eric's overbearing Irish mother.
• Ricky Fortune — An ex-rock star who scored a 1969 one-hit-wonder entitled Not On My Birthday in Iceland with his group Ricky Fortune & the Fortunates. He assumes that people know who he is, but they rarely do until prompted, whereupon they mostly recall that he was once on The Sooty Show. Upon his arrival to the 1-2-1 Club, he is mocked by Kirk for his anonymity but is instantly recognised by Mrs Arnott who, it transpires, is a lifelong fan; much to Kirk's annoyance. In an attempt to protect Ricky from Kirk's insults, John claims to have bought every record that The Fortunates made, yet when challenged to name his favourite Fortunates track, cannot name one and merely states "They all were". Later, Ricky is booked to headline at a charity concert with Freddie and the Dreamers as the warm-up act. At this time, it appears that Louise has booked Freddie in Ricky's place and he has been cast aside. Embarrassed and angry, he leaves, and it is only after this point that the audience finds out that it was merely a misunderstanding and Ricky was to be the main act after all. Ricky is never seen again.

  Episode list

Title music

VHS and DVD