List of Late Night with Conan O'Brien sketches

''Late Night'' sketches appearing on ''Tonight''

Moral Outrage

In the Year 2000/3000

Celebrity Survey

Noches de Pasion con Señor O'Brien (Nights of Passion with Mr. O'Brien)

The [|Audiencey Awards]

Movie casting

Mike Merritt's Inner Thoughts

New Coins/Stamps

Photo Gallery

Hanging Out with Jordan Schlansky

Conan and Andy on the Aisle

Brian McCann on the Spot

Pender Sings

The Interrupter

Small Talk Moment

''Late Night'' sketches

Actual Items

"ASS" Stamp

Before Plastic Surgery

Celebrity ''Secrets''

Coked up Werewolf

Conan O'Brien Hates My Homeland

Finland

Desk Driving

Fan''tastic!''

Guests We'll Never Have Back

Horny Manatee

If They Mated

Joe's

Masturbating Bear

New Characters

Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage

Puppets and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog

SAT Analogies

Syncro-Vox

Quackers

The ''Walker, Texas Ranger'' Lever

Nerding It Up For Pierre

Questions From The Audience

Other sketches

• 60 - "60" had been a parody of the Fox series 24. "60" takes the premise of 24 to the extreme: each one second episode takes place in the same minute. The story revolved around Canadian Special Agent Chuck Aloo attempting to protect the Prime Minister from a diabolical plot involving a sandwich with mustard in it.
• Andy's Sister - This sketch involved Amy Poehler appearing as Andy Richter's little sister Stacy, who usually wore a head brace device and made fun of Andy from the audience while expressing her crush on Conan.
• Audience Interview - In this bit introduced in mid-2005, Conan says that because he's always interviewing famous celebrities, who endorse their latest movie/album/etc., he rarely gets an opportunity to talk to the audience, which he says he'd like to do. So, for a change of pace, he says he's going to go into the audience, pick out a random member, and ask them some basic question. However, the gag is that the audience member he "randomly" picks is always a celebrity, who faithfully reveals him/herself when Conan asks what their name is and who always sits on the first seat immediately right of the aisle of the back row in the far righthand section. They also happen to still endorse some product, or even a standard "latest work" as well. Some examples of guests include Ted Danson, Jerry Stiller, Alan Alda, Bob Saget, Jerry Springer, Donald Trump, Mr. T, Fabio, and Larry King.
• Audience Talent - Conan goes into the audience and selects pre-picked audience members to show their unique talents, but the person's "talent" is obviously faked. Conan does not know who the people are going to be, and the audience does not know what their talent is until Conan reveals it. This was a very similar precursor to the Audiencey Awards.
• Billy Tyler, the Kid No One Loves - A little boy named Billy Tyler would come out talking about all the hardships he has endured in his life. Each one more pathetic than the last. Finally, when Conan offers him words of encouragement and advice, Billy rejects it screaming "You're a loser!" and running off.
• Cloppy - A depressed and suicidal horse whose name is a reference to the "clop-clop" sound he makes as he slowly walks offstage to shoot himself. In one interview, actor Nicolas Cage expresses his fondness of Cloppy. Subsequent editions of "Cloppy" have included mentions to Cage's endorsement of the sketch.
• Conan and Max Hang Out - Conan introduces a moment of camaraderie between him and Max, then cuts to a scene of Conan in his dressing room. Max comes in and enthusiastically invites Conan to go somewhere, such as to lunch, to grab a beer, or to shop at the NBC store because it has great stuff. Conan happily agrees, but as soon as the two begin walking together they awkwardly do not speak to each other and look bored. The camera follows them like this down hallways and elevators until they reach their destination, at which point they quickly grab the food or drink and part ways. The destination may involve other sight gags; when Conan and Max visited the NBC store, Conan is seen shoplifting several items.
• Conan Babies - Appearing in the show's early years on Friday nights, this sketch was introduced as the day's earliest Saturday morning cartoon. The title was a take-off of Muppet Babies and the sketch itself was a parody of low-budget 1970s cartoons, featuring very limited animation of Conan, Andy, and Max as babies getting into adventures. Conan, Andy, and Max provided their own voices, and mouths, in the same Synchro-Voxed style as their Fake Celebrity Interviews. Most of Max's dialogue consisted of the word "caca" and each sketch would end with the three babies incongruously breaking out into song, à la The Archies or Josie and the Pussycats.
• Conan's Diary - After interviewing an attractive female celebrity, Conan occasionally opens his "Hello Kitty" diary and writes about the interview while the celebrity remains in the interview chair. The audience and celebrity can hear a voiceover of what Conan is writing. Conan admires his own interviewing skills, then notes that he thinks the celebrity has a crush on him. The celebrity, feeling awkward, asks him to stop writing. Conan audibly notes that the celebrity is an "insane bitch", and finishes writing.
• Conan Sings a Lullaby - Conan explains that many viewers are new parents trying to get their baby to sleep and he will help them, so he begins to sing a nice lullaby with the aid of his acoustic guitar "Bessie Lou" and then takes advantage of a baby's lack of understanding of language and mentions things adults would find horrible in a soothing way. After a while, Conan figures that his main audience is getting bored, so after telling the parents to turn the baby away from the TV, he starts showing humorous and sometimes violent pieces of footage. With the baby now asleep, Conan tells the parents to go have sex.
• Crooner Ghost - Brian Stack portrays the ghost of an old singer "Artie Kendall", who sang when the Late Night studio was used for radio in the 1930s. Conan is talking and hears a disembodied voice singing, and a ghost appears next to his desk. The ghost doubts that people from the present would want to hear his "silly old songs", but Conan and the audience convince him. He always sings 3 songs, set to the same tune, that have outrageous lyrics. The first song is about unpopular 1930s sentiment,, the second song is always about women and after Conan's reaction to it, the ghost notes his "hot, Irish temper" and sings a derogatory song about the Irish. He usually ends the songs with a relevant scat such as "boppity-drown" or "Hitlery-hoo."
• Dudez-A-Plenti - Conan decides to form his very own boy band following the success of the Backstreet Boys and the show Making The Band. He calls for an audition, in which he picks 5 buff young men: Elliot, Professor P, Iago, the Kid Man, and Samantha. In their first group meeting, they think of ideas for their first hit song, only to come up with the words "Baby" and "I Wish". This leads to their first "hit" single: "Baby, I Wish You Were My Baby". The group reunites one year later to record their first music video for a new song called "Awesome", which includes the word "awesome" 28 times according to Conan.
• Emergency Guest - In this recurring skit during the show's early years, Conan announces to the audience that a regularly scheduled celebrity guest has unexpectedly cancelled their appearance at the last minute. In order to fill out the air time, Conan brings out the "emergency guest" which is a life sized mannequin in a large glass "break in case of emergency" box. After being placed into the guest chair and activated by Andy, the mannequin plays recorded messages which feature typical banter for late night talk show guests such as name dropping other celebrities he's seen at parties and requesting a clip from his latest movie be played. Conan frequently struggles to keep the conversation in-sync. The mannequin also reassures the audience that there's no need to panic. Often, the Emergency Guest malfunctions and needs to be deactivated before the interview is over. Conan then walks into the off stage hallway and breaks out the Emergency Emergency Guest, a minor celebrity such as Nipsey Russell or Joyce Brothers who makes a cameo appearance.
• European Guy - Conan begins to discuss some political issue negatively affecting America, and is interrupted by Gustavo, a European who smugly and arrogantly points out Europe's superiority over America. He appears in strange clothing and frequently eats strange lollipops, all of which have stereotypically silly European-sounding names, which he defends as superior to their American equivalents, in spite of their peculiar appearances.
• Friends of the Show - Conan is frequently visited by Mr. T, Abe Vigoda, and James Lipton as themselves, who appear in bizarre situations on the show. Abe Vigoda is often poked fun of for his advanced age, fueled by the false reports of his death in the past. Memorable bits featuring Vigoda involve him being found in odd places by Conan, such as under the audience risers, being dressed up as a character such as "Viyoda", and using the extra screen space afforded by the widescreen 16:9 HDTV format to shoot baskets, with Vigoda on one side of Conan and the basket on the other. Mr. T appears both in the show's regular segments, such as [|Celebrity Secrets], and in remotes, such as going to an apple orchard with Conan. Lipton typically appears to lend his serious acting abilities to humorous situations, such as a dramatic re-enactment of Christian Bale's 2009 profanity-laced tirade towards a director of photography, with Lipton playing both Bale and the crew member.
• The "Fun Hole" Guy - Conan gets interrupted by a man in the audience who wears a blue T-shirt with a sweater around his shoulders. He complains about lack of decency, takes the sweater off and storms off, revealing him wearing fishnet stockings, and a shirt that says "Fun Hole" on the back with an arrow pointing down to his speedo-clad buttocks.
• Good Priest, Bad Priest - Conan's Catholic church pastors, Father DeCarlo and Father Kelly, would come on the show and subject Conan to an interrogation related to some sort of upcoming religious celebration. Most of the time, they start to abuse Conan by bringing up his "touching himself" nightly. Father DeCarlo acts as the "Good Priest", asking questions calmly, while Father Kelly would act as the "Bad Priest", trying to intimidate Conan. Towards the end of the sketch, Jesus enters, resulting in Conan exclaiming "Jesus Christ!", and tells the priests to leave Conan alone, and recruiting them on a more important mission, usually abusing figures such as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. The sketch ends with Jesus telling Conan and the crowd "You owe me one... you all owe me one!" In recent episodes Jesus has been joined by Mary and Joseph, then the skit ends with Jesus, Mary, and Joseph going to the Olive Garden and running into God then awkwardly having a conversation about God being Jesus' real father.
• Guest Autographs - Conan shows the audience some autographs supposedly from guests on his show. In reality, the fictitious autographs are often from celebrities who have appeared in news or tabloids rather than on the program. The messages left by the celebrity often mock something unseemly the celebrity is currently known for or may even mock O'Brien in some way.
• Guys That Make Fun of Conan's Name - In the first year of the show, Conan would occasionally point out that he has an unusual first name that often makes people think of Conan the Barbarian. The show would then cut to four guys who stand around and make bad jokes about Conan's name, such as "Conan the vegetarian, hey, where's your salad?" or "Conan the Yogi Bear-ian, hey, where's Boo-Boo?" For unexplained reasons, one of the four guys in the sketch would always nod in agreement, but never speak.
• Instant Audience Member Upgrade - A take-off on the airline instant upgrade, Conan chooses two audience members and bumps them up to first class audience, where he gives them more comfortable chairs, a drink, a celebrity feature, a curtain to separate them from the economy class audience section, etc.
• Moral Dilemma - Not seen since Andy Richter's departure, the bit involved Conan looking through the show's Lost and Found box, and finding something he wished he could keep. At that point, a devil would appear on Conan's shoulder to help him rationalize keeping the item. While he would acknowledge the logic behind the devil's reasoning, he would muse, "I can't help but wonder if there's another side to the argument." At this point, instead of the expected angel, a bear would appear on Conan's other shoulder, announcing himself: "Hi, Conan, I'm your bear! Grrr!" Conan would ask the bear for his advice regarding the lost item, but the bear would only have bear-related advice to offer. Usually, the bit would end with the devil getting one-upped in some way or another.
• No-Reason-to-Live Guy - Conan begins to talk about a mundane news piece or the guest line-up at his desk when he is interrupted by a man in the audience. The man seems to have been misinformed and reacts to Conan's calm correctness in disbelief and yells, "There's no reason to live!" He then proceeds to run to the top of the audience area where a blue kayak is waiting, while yelling, "Where's my kayak?" He gets in the kayak and "paddles" it off-screen, at which point the scene cuts to a shot of a man in a kayak falling down an icy mountain. After this, another "audience member" usually rides off in a kayak in a similar way, or the first man comes back through the studio doors, gets upset again and rides to his demise using another means of transportation, accompanied by related stock footage, again while yelling "Where's my ?" The sketch usually involves three different "deaths." In addition to the kayak, other means of transportation have included a train, a bike, a skateboard, balloons, a three bedroom house, and a car.
• *This sketch evolved from a bit done a week or two before NBC broadcast the Torino Olympics where Brian McCann appeared on video as if he was reporting from the Bobsled run in Italy. He starts sliding down the course and Conan tries to tell him the course was not finished, based on news reports of the time that said Olympic officials were crunched for time to finish some of the venues. McCann says he cannot hear because of the noise of the bobsled then he says, "What's that?" and there is a quick cut to stock footage of a kayak falling down a snow-covered mountain. Then the show cuts back to Conan, who has his head in his hands as if embarrassed and the audience is howling in laughter at the absurd scene, especially after McCann's line: "Someone put me in a kayak!" When the next guest comments about the kayak, Conan says, "You try to find footage of a bobsled crashing that matches. It was the best we could do." For the record, the Olympic officials were putting finishing touches on the venues with only the nightly ceremonies park unfinished.
• Patterns - Conan shows a series of images, and viewers have to figure out the progressive pattern that links them. For instance, "Squirrel, handyman, poorly guarded insane asylum, Tom Green: That's right, these are more and more likely to be missing a nut."
• Pimpbot 5000 - A robot that combines the technology of a futuristic android with the street-wise attitude of a 1970s pimp. He always talks in rhymes that simultaneously reference his robotic and pimp nature: "I got a diamond studded watch/new transistors in my crotch."
• Pleasing the Affiliates - Conan attempts to please local affiliates by responding to their fictional requests for positive mention.
• Polly the NBC Peacock - Only seen in the first few seasons of the show, Conan has a discussion with Polly the NBC Peacock, which is actually just a cardboard cut out of an NBC peacock logo with a moving mouth. The sketch revolves around Conan discussing television programs airing the current week. When NBC shows are mentioned, Polly lavishes praise upon them, when non-NBC shows are mentioned, Polly criticizes them harshly. With Conan playing the straight man, Polly's comments get progressively more outlandish, such as claiming that "A lot of people don't know it, but Tim Allen's face spews dangerous radiation" during a discussion of ABC sitcom Home Improvement, or claiming that "Watching the show officially fulfills your requirement for jury duty" when discussing the NBC legal drama JAG. The sketch usually ends with Conan suggesting the audience watch a non-NBC program, to which a flustered Polly replies, "It's in Spanish!"
• Preparation H Raymond - In this sketch Brian McCann plays a large-eared man named Raymond with a Prince Charles-like appearance, who parades down the aisles passing out Preparation H to Conan's audience. While he possesses a common theme song, chorused by the phrase "Raymond's here to help....oooooooohhh...", Raymond's dialogue content is often related to current events such as the "roid" usage by pro baseball athletes or Thanksgiving, 2006. Often though, the sketch can be seen as a random assortment of ideas, all beginning and culminating with the distribution of Preparation H.
• Queen Elizabeth Telephone Call - Conan receives a phone call from Queen Elizabeth II to discuss a current issue. Her Majesty quickly gets off topic, and ends every comment by referring to Conan using random bisyllabic words, such as Coughdrop O'Branflakes.
• Rude Audience Member - While Conan is introducing the second guest, the camera repeatedly cuts to one audience member, with each successive cut introducing attention-grabbing sound and visual effects. Conan becomes increasingly agitated, chastising the person as if he or she is purposely making it happen. After he threatens to call security, the camera stays on Conan, and it seems like the distraction is over. Finally, the audience member is shown in a much more exaggerated way that completely disrupts the show.
• Satellite TV - Conan shares the extra channels that the large satellite dish on the roof of 30 Rockefeller Center fictionally picks up. Some channels have absurd titles like "Clive Clemmons' Inappropriate Response Channel". Others include a pornography channel featuring "Max on Max action", in which Max Weinberg made love to a duplicate Max Weinberg; the "Sexual Harassment Skeleton Channel", wherein a skeleton gropes women in the workplace but always avoids getting fired, with the argument that he is "only a skeleton" and "doesn't even have muscles to move his arms." There is "Jar Barf", a program wherein food jars with the middle of their lids cut out, and featuring added googly eyes, are shown vomiting their contents; the "Potato Judge TV", about a ruthless judge on the judicial bench; and the "Men Without Hats Channel" that features people in everyday situations singing about it to the Men Without Hats tune "Safety Dance".
• Spoiler Alert - Conan and Max talk about a recent film, TV, or book-related story, but find a way to keep from spoiling the ending, in case the show is Tivoed, or a viewer has not read the book. So Conan employs a spoiler alert system, which consists of two people standing in front of the camera, covering their ears and yelling incoherently "la la la la la! I'm not listening", the result of which is that the audience is unable to listen to what Conan and Max are discussing.
• Hannigan the Traveling Salesman - A traveling salesman who stops by to sell Conan a variety of useless items. He talks in a fast-paced New York accent sprinkled with 1950s colloquialisms, and frequently makes self-deprecating cracks as he describes his wares. He always tries to sell Conan lame jokes from "Joke Co." and immediately expects payment. It usually ends with a deal that includes all the various products from the sketch, plus some form of sex, at a very low price.
• Unknown Colleges' Team Mascots - Conan presents about three or four fictional colleges' athletic teams' mascots. These mascots often have nothing to do with anything about the school's location or name. One mascot that always finds its way onto the segment is S&M Lincoln, a very disturbing version of Abraham Lincoln wearing a top hat and having a ball gag stuffed in his mouth, while being dressed in little more than leather S&M gear and being weighed down by heavy chains, while whipping himself with a cat o' nine tails.
• What in the World? - Conan is shown an extremely magnified portion of a picture. He throws out a wild guess as to what he is looking at, at which point the picture is zoomed out a little. Conan tries again, although it's not yet evident what is depicted in the photo. It zooms out again, and the picture is now recognizable and seemingly mundane—for instance, a celebrity or other normal situation. The final time it zooms out, something unexpected or outrageous that had previously been out of frame is revealed. The opening audio cue for this bit is an annoying-sounding man saying, "What in the world?" which Conan often asks not to have repeated, to no avail.

  Annual sketches

• The State of the Show Address - An elaborate parody of the President of the United States' annual State of the Union Address delivered in place of the show's opening credits and monologue on the same night the President gives his speech. When Conan mentions that there will be no monologue that night, the audience will stand and burst into hearty applause, after which Conan replies, "You bastards."
• Central Time Zone New Year's Countdown - Aired each New Year's Eve, Late Night was the only show to do a countdown to midnight for the Central Time Zone of the United States, since the show's regular time slot begins before and ends after midnight Central Time. After the monologue, Conan does a fictional list of people who have died that year, starting with a celebrity who has faded into obscurity who many believe has died, and continuing with many outlandish and random celebrities who are obviously alive. Each year the Late Night staff creates a bit when the New Year begins. In 2003, the bit was announcer Joel Godard lying on a table while an Asian man wearing a Speedo lands on top of him at the stroke of midnight. In 2005, giant papier-mâché busts of Chicagoans James Belushi and Oprah Winfrey inched slowly towards each other and "French kissed" at the stroke of midnight. Earlier remotes had Conan going out to various remote locations in the Central Time Zone to celebrate the new year there. One bit had the remote correspondent already celebrating the new year in South Bend, Indiana, but having to move to the Central Time Zone city of Hudson Lake, Indiana in a race against time in order to "correctly" celebrate the new year. The 2004 and 2005 celebrations also had O'Brien joined by a group of costumed revellers including:

• Sweeps Ahoy - Airing during or just after each "sweeps month", this sketch airs bits and doctored footage of previous Late Night publicity stunts the show did to increase their ratings.
• World's Fastest Menorah and Other Holiday Icons - Usually shown for a period of 3–4 days after the annual lighting of the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree, Conan always mentions that so many people come to New York just to see the tree, usually adding things like, "It's just a tree! Big deal!" He then says something like, "Rockefeller Center might have their Christmas Tree, but we here at Late Night have the World's Fastest Menorah!" This summons the menorah, which sits on a platform pulled by a string by a stagehand, flying by the camera lever. Of course, the platform is not visible in the camera's field of vision. The menorah is accompanied by a quick excerpt of "Hava Nagila". As the week progresses, Conan introduces other holiday icons, which include a bungee-jumping Baby Jesus, a rocket-powered fruitcake, and a Kwanzaa kinara in a pimped-out ride.
• A Look Back - Sometime around New Year's, a retrospective of the past year on the show. Conan and Max sit at a mini-bar on stage with party decorations, their ties undone, and recall their many adventures.

  During the 2007-08 writers' strike

• Ring Spin - As he has done for years during rehearsals, Conan began spinning his wedding ring on his desk, attempting to break his record of 41 seconds. The closest he came was 40 seconds until the February 8, 2008 broadcast when, with the help of MIT professor Dr. Peter Fisher, he spun the ring for 51 seconds on a piece of teflon. On June 8, 2008, the bit appeared again, this time with Conan accepting a challenge from guest Ted Koppel. Conan won the challenge by a mere 3 seconds, with a total of 30 seconds against Koppel's 27. On November 6, 2008, scheduled guest Katt Williams failed to show for his guest spot. To fill some time, Conan performed a ring spin - saying that two historic events could happen within a 24-hour span.
• German Disco Light Show - By pressing a button Conan starts a light show similar to one seen at a "bad German disco." This has been done several times using various musical tracks.
• Guest Maze Entrance - To increase the length of time taken for celebrities to reach the desk, a short maze is erected between the entry point and the desk. An overhead camera shows the guests' progression through the maze.
• Who Made Huckabee? - Conan had a recurring mock feud with Comedy Central hosts Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart regarding who was responsible for the success of presidential candidate Mike Huckabee. Conan noted that the popularity of Huckabee's high-profile supporter Chuck Norris was the result of his own Walker, Texas Ranger Lever sketch, therefore "Conan made Huckabee." Colbert, on his show, then claimed that "Colbert made Huckabee" after giving him the "Colbert Bump." Following a series of cross-show statements, Conan, Colbert and Stewart each put forward increasingly farcical reasons why he was responsible for Huckabee's success, insulting their rivals in the process. Eventually, a large fight scene amongst the three was staged on Late Night. Huckabee himself appeared afterwards to state that none of "these three idiots" created him, but in fact the "great nation of the United States had created him".
• Zipline - On January 14, 2008, Conan lived out one of his "dreams" by riding a zipline over his audience while wearing a helmet which shoots smoke out the back. Conan then asked viewers to send in suggestions on how to improve this stunt via http://www.latenightunderground.com. Two days later, Conan repeated the zipline this time with rockets strapped to his feet and crashing into large bowling pins. Another variation of this sketch is when he went down the zip line and knocked down John Wilkes Booth as he was about to assassinate Abraham Lincoln.
• Crew Interview - Conan also filled in some of his episodes by interviewing Late Night's behind-the-scenes crew members, such as the propmaster or the special effects man, in which he would play around with the items in their workspaces, such as the breakable props.

  Former sketches

• Assassination - Conan invites a guest who supposedly is privy to an upcoming, well-kept secret, who suffers a simulated death before he can reveal what he knows. For example, shortly before the final episode of Seinfeld, an actor appearing on the show began talking about what the final episode would be about; a few words in, an assassin shoots him in the chest. On another occasion, Conan introduced a man who claimed to be a high-ranking executive with Coca-Cola, who was going to discuss the soda's secret ingredients. As the interview started, the "executive" fell dead after getting hit by shuriken, and a group of ninjas with the Coca-Cola logo on their backs were shown running away from the stage. These sketches have not appeared on the show for several years.
• Awful Sports Chanter - In response to an upcoming sporting or other spectator event, Conan advises that you should keep chants short and easy to follow. As an example of what not to do, Andy Blitz is then shown in the show's audience, and begins a standard chant for that event while clapping each syllable. However, instead of repeating the line, he expands it into a very long chant that begins supportive and usually ends up as a narrative of some sort, occasionally asking the audience to chant along as if it's easy to follow. Conan interrupts the chant to go to commercial as Blitz continues to chant up to the break.
• Car Chases - Conan explains that television shows' ratings go up when they cut to a car chase in action. He tells the audience that Late Night will begin doing this, however there are no car chases in Manhattan due to traffic congestion. So Late Night stages their own "car chases". While played as if they are real car chases, they are executed using Matchbox style vehicles, and model buildings in the hallways of the show's backstage area. The toy cars are pulled by fishing line as a camera gets a shot appearing to be from a helicopter. More recently, car chases have been shot when celebrities have encountered legal difficulties, including Michael Jackson, Paris Hilton and O. J. Simpson. The sketch has not been seen since early 2008.
• Carl "Oldy" Olson - An old man portrayed for comic effect by William Preston similar to Larry "Bud" Melman from Late Night with David Letterman, though Oldy is somewhat frailer but more vulgar.
• Conan O'Brien College Band Search - For a few years, Late Night held an annual college band search.
• Conan's Legs - Conan explains how the show is trying to reach out and collect more viewers by taking a page out of the Today Show handbook. He explains that many Americans tune into the Today Show just to see Katie Couric's legs. The front of his desk is removed, revealing feminine legs. He continues by doing a few camera tricks such as moving his legs, bouncing a ball, and even shaving them. In actuality, the front of the desk is covered by a greenscreen substituted by a shot of a woman's legs recorded live offstage. The audience is presumed to understand the special effect, leading O'Brien to attempt to sync more complex actions with those of the offstage actress, or sometimes to intentionally fool her. The sketch stopped some time before Couric eventually left Today to anchor the CBS Evening News.
• Continuity Errors - Conan and Andy review a recent broadcast for errors, discovering inconsistencies that no one seemed to have caught, such as Conan suddenly having a receding hairline or wearing a bib while eating a giant pie.
• Frankenstein Wastes A Minute of Our Time - Frankenstein's monster appears by one of the doors leading from the main set, acting excited about something, and inviting the cameraman to come with him to take a look. He makes a long trek around the backstage area, stopping along the way to wave the cameraman to keep following. Invariably, what he finds is extremely mundane like a spatula, although it is usually near something that is considerably more interesting, and Conan assumes that is the item Frankenstein led the camera to. Frankenstein once found Tom Hanks during the sketch, and pushed him out of the way to show off a light switch. The joke format is extremely similar to a shaggy dog story. Since NBC owns Universal, the Frankenstein monster looking like the one from the movies and sharing the same logo in the sketch title as Universal's monster is no coincidence; neither is the sketch also appearing shortly after the buy-out. While this sketch has seemingly been retired, Frankenstein continues to be a regular character.
• The Hole In The Floor - There is a hole in the floor in front of Conan's desk. Conan throws objects through it and generally hassles an office worker below. The hole is created using bluescreen technology.
• Jerry Butters - Jerry Butters is a talentless talk show host with his own early-morning show down the hall. His set is bland and reminiscent of a 1970s talk show with fake palms and dull brown colors. Jerry will interrupt Conan's show in the style of a suburban neighbor who initially wants to just have a friendly chat, but eventually needs a favor or some advice for a particular problem he is facing in his current show. Such problems in the past have included Abe Vigoda dying midway through an interview. He also invariably promotes his own show by addressing Conan's audience with the line "It's on at four in the morning... so check it out!".
• Krunk - During the first two seasons of the show, beginning in early 1994, O'Brien encouraged guests to insert the word krunk, a fictional expletive with multiple uses invented by the show's writers that "the censors don't quite know what to do with yet", into their conversations.
• Mick Ferguson, The Guy Who's Awfully Proud of his Bullet Proof Legs - long-time staff writer Brian McCann, in a mock-Vaudeville dance, sings "Oh I got bulletproof legs, I got bullet proof legs, oh ya can't hurt me cuz I have bullet proof legs! Oh they cost me a fortune but ya don't...." Invariably, a shadowy figure pulls out a gun and shoots him in the chest, which apparently is not bulletproof. In the second incarnation of it, the same man is standing on the screen and Mick implores Conan to get rid of him because he shot him before. Conan has a security guy come out and check the figure over stating that he does not have a weapon. Relieved Mick begins his song and dance again, only to have the Security guy pull out a gun and shoot him in the chest. Another incident has the security guard and a search dog guarding Mick. After Conan calms Mick's fears of the security guard by vouching for him, the search dog pulls a gun and shoots Mick in the chest. The camera then switches to Conan, who looks into it and says, "We're gonna get to the bottom of this."
• The More You Know - These are spoofs of the famous NBC public service announcements. They were used frequently in earlier years, especially when Andy Richter was still Conan's sidekick. These sketches would begin seemingly innocently, but would quickly devolve into parody, usually involving dark themes. For example, in one such sketch, Max Weinberg commands: "Sometimes condoms break; deal with it, missy!"
• Segue Sam - When Conan struggled for the right words to preview the next guest, he called on the services of Segue Sam, portrayed by Jon Glaser. The impeccably dressed and debonair Sam was pulled into the studio by a butler as he reclined on a couch. Sam invariably was able to provide a witty, smooth segue to the next guest.
• Staring Contest - A famous skit held while Andy Richter still served as O'Brien's sidekick. An homage to the game show Make Me Laugh, Richter would be subjected to a series of purely physical-comedy skits taking place behind O'Brien, usually insulting and disgusting, which would eventually force Richter to look away. On the last episode Richter served as sidekick, the show subjected O'Brien to the skits instead; this was the only time Richter ever won the staring contest. The two tied after one competition in which, as a distraction, Albert Einstein was inspired by a large-breasted woman in a bikini to add the "squared" to his theory of special relativity, and Andy and Conan joined them in a celebratory dance.
• Tomorry the Ostrich - During the break between the first and second guest, Tomorry the ostrich would come out to deliver the blue card with a list of tomorrow night's guests. Tomorry would lay an egg containing the card. Tomorry was a large ostrich with a long, solid neck that members of the audience often pulled on as Tomorry passed by.
• Nobody's Watching - This is a series of sketches that ran over the course of a week or two during the summer of the early years of the 2000s. NBC still had the rights to the NBA Finals which would air during primetime hours and subsequently push back the late night programming depending on how long the games ran. On some occasions, Late Night would air as late as an hour after it is normal time. In these cases, Conan would explain to the audience that it was currently 2 A.M. or later, keeping with the running joke that his show was live and not recorded earlier in the day, and therefore, "nobody's watching." The host would use this an excuse to show low-budget commercials of spoof products that were supposedly sponsors or local businesses. No longer continued.
• Conan of the Night - Seen limitedly in the early part of the 2000s these sketches began with Conan putting on a fake mustache, using a cheesy Spanish accent, and playing out a film noire-style sketch in which a murder was investigated or caused. One such sketch ended with the mustachioed Conan "throwing" a knife into Max's chest.

  Monologue digressions

• Awkward Throws to Max Weinberg - Conan usually begins his monologue by saying "We've got a good show tonight, isn't that right Max?" to which Max replies in an intentionally tone, "Yeah", then usually shrugs. One such awkward throw started with Max saying, "Mmm-hmmmm" in a satisfied matter, prompting Conan to blurt out, "I didn't ask, 'How's the rice, Uncle Ben?'!"
• "Donald Trump Impression" - Conan's impression of Donald Trump has him tugging on his hair, sucking his cheeks in, using Trump's catch phrase, "You're fired!" and performing Trump's python hand move as The Max Weinberg 7 plays the intro to The O'Jays' "For the Love of Money", which is used as the theme song to Trump's NBC show The Apprentice. This bit is usually performed any time that Trump is mentioned, whether in the monologue or in interviews or comedy sketches. Conan has performed this bit with Donald Trump himself present in the studio on more than one occasion.
• Eating a Tear - Conan sometimes will say something that will cause him to shed, and then eat, a tear. This is pantomimed by running a finger from his eye down his cheek to his mouth.
• "I'm-a Gonna Go to Hell When I Die" - a rousing gospel-styled song, started on November 12, 2004, that has no lyrics other than its title and is always accompanied by a rhythmic clapping beat. The audience will usually start clapping along, causing Conan to exclaim, "Don't clap along to that, that's terrible!" Occasionally, Conan has recycled the tune with a new title/lyric, notably "I Had an Unhappy Childhood and You Have to Pay". This is often sung by Conan after the audience finds one of his jokes distasteful, many times when referring to Star Jones. Another variation, sung in a different tune, is "I'll Be Beaten to Death When I Leave Tonight".
• The Shark Attack - Conan leaves the screen, crouches down just enough and walks past the camera so that only his red pompadour is visible.
• International Symbol for Larry King - Conan pretends to pull suspenders away from his body, then makes spectacles with his thumbs and forefingers. He then explains that this is the International Symbol for Larry King, comparing it to the equivalent for choking.
• "Keep cool, my babies!" - Often spoken immediately before his monologue as a response to thunderous applause, Conan will utter this phrase in order to calm his excited audience. "Keep cool, my babies!" is often followed by "The String Dance".
• "The Late Night Cat" - Conan jumps out of the frame and disappears for a few seconds before reappearing extremely close to the camera, out of focus, and hissing at it in a feline manner. This usually occurs when the studio audience dislikes a joke told in the monologue.
• Smoothing the Eyebrows - Conan quickly licks the tips of the index and pinkie fingers of one hand, and uses them simultaneously to smooth his eyebrows.
• I love you too, sir - If an audience member screams something at Conan, he makes a joke such as, "I love you too, sir" or "It's nice of my dad for coming."
• Making fun of LaBamba - Conan sometimes looks over toward band member Richie "LaBamba" Rosenberg when there is a homosexual or unsavory reference in the monologue. LaBamba usually reacts by staring back at Conan with a bemused, disappointed, or "deflated" look on his face and/or shaking his head. Conan usually proceeds to explain that LaBamba would not be surprised by the reference if he would just attend the rehearsal.
• Miscellaneous Pantomiming - Conan will duck in and out of frame, while making a whooshing sound.
• "Making Fun of Products" - Conan will mock a certain product or brand. He then asks the producer if said brand is a sponsor. The producer answers "yes" before Conan lets off an uncomfortable laugh.
• "Nerd Impression" - When nerds are mentioned in Conan's monologue, he sometimes alters his voice to sound like a "nerd" criticizing Conan for that joke. This usually involves pushing his "glasses" up the bridge of his nose, wagging his finger, bucking his teeth, waving an invisible lightsaber, using sci-fi related quotes, or saying something like, "How dare you", or "I'll get you, Conan O'Brien!" and pushing the buttons on an invisible calculator. On Tonight, he has added turnings of a Rubik's Cube. Coinciding with the release of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince in theaters, Conan has placed an invisible sorcerer's hat on his head and drawn the lightning bolt on his forehead, then waves an invisible wand while saying in his nerd voice, "I strike at thee!"
• "The String Dance" - Conan mimes attaching strings to his hips and pulls them, shaking his hips back and forth until he "cuts" one of the strings, dropping the "attached" hip. The string dance is customarily performed before the monologue during the audience applause, or during the monologue, but Conan has also performed the dance at the request of guests. Jim Carrey also chose to perform his own version of the string dance on his appearance in December 2005. Justin Timberlake, Ice-T, MC Hammer, The Rock, Paula Abdul, Usher, Matt Bluhm, John Tesh, and Christina Applegate have also performed the dance. Houston Texans wide receiver David Anderson performed it as a touchdown celebration during the 2008 season. In the epilogue of the February 12, 2009 episode of Comedy Central's The Colbert Report, host Stephen Colbert "stole" Conan's strings in retribution for Conan's departure from New York to Los Angeles. As "ransom" for the strings, Colbert demanded Conan's return to New York. On February 18, 2009 Conan's opening monologue expressed disdain over Colbert's theft of the string dance and openly challenged him to the rights of the dance. Colbert then emerged from backstage to the surprise of the audience. The audience responded with a mix of ecstatic cheering and mock jeering for Colbert and encouraged a string dance-off. Colbert "won" by "tying" string around Conan.
• Unusual Audience Reactions - Conan is always amused by, and makes fun of, the unusual reactions of his audience to some of his monologue jokes. The most common reaction is a horrified/angry "booing", morphing into "polite laughter and applause", which Conan admits is his favorite reaction. Another audience reaction is delayed laughter to a punchline, sometimes sparking Conan's "Delayed reaction always creeps me out" song, in the style of "I'm-a Gonna Go to Hell When I Die".
• Anna Nicole Smith Impression - Conan imitates her nonsensical mutterings, drug-induced wandering, and outbursts. He will wander back and forth in front of the camera, muttering, and finally jumps out with the "cat hiss", also seen in the Late Night Cat digression. Not seen since her death.
• Geraldo Rivera Impression - When there's a news story or any reference to news personality Geraldo Rivera, Conan often places his index finger across his upper lip, denoting a mustache.
• Tom Selleck Impression - Similar to the Geraldo Rivera impression except Conan places two fingers across his upper lip to convey a thicker mustache.
• Arnold Schwarzenegger Impression - When a topic comes up referring to the actor, Conan will often put on an Arnold Schwarzenegger accent, speak in a pseudo-Germanic language, pretend to eat a giant sausage while flexing his muscles and giving a "death-stare" to the audience.
• George W. Bush Impression - When there's a news story or any reference to President George W. Bush, Conan will often look away from the camera, as if distracted by something, then look straight back at the camera with a confused look on his face, exclaiming "Huh?"
• Congress/Parliament applause - If one of his jokes gets lukewarm applause, Conan will liken it to members of Congress or Parliament clapping along. He'll also say "Yes, very good, O'Brien", or something to that effect, in a somewhat aristocratic tone.
• U.S.A. Chant - Most usually done when he has redeemed an obviously bad joke with a good one, Conan sometimes celebrates by beginning a chant of "U.S.A! U.S.A!" As soon as the audience joins in, Conan immediately stops and stares at them.
• Rhetorical Set-Up Questions - Conan frequently introduces a monologue joke by asking a rhetorical question about whether or not the audience has heard of a certain event; he then gives them no time to respond, and criticizes them for being uninformed.
• Producer Impression - Often, when Conan says something especially odd or stupid, he will say that the producer is looking at him and then imitates the producer with a serious tone and expression, often crossing his arms, then poking fun at his impression's similarity to Jackie Mason.

  Miscellaneous

• The Growl - Conan often gives a Bob Hope- or Roy Orbison-like growl at attractive women, sometimes accompanied by barking or meows and hisses while miming a "clawing" motion.
• The Microphone - Conan will sometimes knock over the microphone on his desk for a quick laugh. Once in a while, he will knock it over and then jokingly threaten the audience, such as "I'll clear this studio if I have to", and "...fill it with a minty foam." He also states on occasion that the microphone is made of chocolate or marzipan. He also has been known to put the desk microphone up to his face and breathe heavily into it while staring wide-eyed. Occasionally, he will take his clip-on microphone and stick it up his nose "just because the producer hates it".
• The Conan/Max staredown - Similar to the Small Talk moment, but without any dialogue, Conan and Max will stare at each other blankly for a long time with the cameras switching between Conan and Max. Eventually, Conan seems to get creeped out and looks away. He then says that someone should discover a way to "bottle that chemistry."
• Conan Cost Cutting - After a sketch involving Tim Harrod in an expensive "Grub Man" costume, the show began to re-use the costume in order to amortize the cost. It appeared as a "surrendering croissant", a "victorious cannoli", a "liposuctioned Jabba the Hutt", a "pissed off kreplach", and a "beach rock." At the end of any sketch involving the costume, Conan mentions how many different ways the costume has been used and a "per costume total", which is the cost of the original costume divided by the number of uses. He'll then invite viewers to mail in their suggestions for a further use for the costume and, in return, will receive an "I'm a Conan Cost Cutter" button.
• Mike Koman - Koman, one of the show's writers, often plays a sketch character. Whenever he does, Conan is guaranteed to needle him in some way, as when he was the "M.I.T. Nerd" or "Donald Trump's Brother".
• The Evil Puppy - This bit involves a puppy, often a golden retriever, sitting on a throne of skulls, flanked by black-robed Druids, all of this under a red light, while O Fortuna plays in the background. Often, as the camera shows close-ups of the puppy squirming around on the chair, the audience will "awwww" at its cuteness, as Conan warns that the puppy is going to "conquer the world" or "suck your liver out through your eye sockets." Usually appears on Friday the 13th. Sometimes, the Evil Puppy's powers are portrayed causing pain and humiliation through supernatural means.
• Jeff Won't Talk - Conan pokes fun at the show producer, Jeff, who is only ever seen shaking his head on camera and gesturing for Conan to move it along.
• Faulty G.E. In-house Voice Directory System - Conan reveals the company's voice-operated directory's voice recognition system, powered by General Electric, "doesn't work." Here, Conan will request the name of a person he wants to be directed to. However, the system brings up only a similar-sounding name or a totally different name, after a prolonged pause. He also uses song verses and random sentences for hilarious results.
• The Gentler Side of Grand Theft Auto IV - Since the release of the highly anticipated video game Grand Theft Auto IV, Conan has presented in-game footage of the game that do not display any acts of violence or sexuality. Typically, the player-controlled protagonist Niko Bellic would proclaim random things about himself and society in a friendly, humorous way, as opposed to the game's actual extremely graphic nature.
• Ginger, NO! - A fake interview is set up with a staff member when all of a sudden Conan says "Ginger, NO!" The camera then cuts to a German Shepherd who raises a handgun and shoots the interviewee.
• Late Night Sausage Party - On nights when all of the guests are male, Conan complains about the new movie "The Women", and how there are no men in the movie—not even extras! He counters this by having all male guests and a gravelly voiced announcer begins the "sausage party" by announcing the guests and making crass and inappropriate remarks regarding their sausages.
• Dubble Letter Week - A whole week of episodes was scheduled in which the guests had double letters in their names..
• This Show Will Not Air - Conan does something very outrageous or over the line, but reassures the audience by saying that "This show will never air."
• Hold for Editing - When a joke bombs Conan will sometimes pause for a few seconds and say, "Hold for editing." He will then resume the monologue or sketch as if the section containing the bad joke will be removed from the show before it is broadcast.
• Conan's second generation Ford Taurus - On several occasions, Conan had expressed pride in his car, a green 1992 Ford Taurus SHO. He actively sought to sell it and went so far as to have it appraised at Sotheby's and Christie's auction houses despite being extremely dirty and having mechanical problems. The car was finally "sold" to actor Brad Pitt during one of the final shows, however a sketch during his debut on The Tonight Show revealed that he still owned the car.
• The Show Is Cheap/NBC Has No Money - Conan frequently made jokes commenting about the show being cheap, especially during sketches where bad special effects or shoddy-looking costumes/graphics were obvious. Often he would also make references to how NBC did not want to pay for anything.
• "That was stupid." - Much like the "This show is cheap" comments, whenever there was an especially bizarre sketch or a bad joke, Conan usually commented about how dumb or stupid it was before moving on.
• "Gotta go, move it along." - If a joke/sketch ran especially long or if Conan was wasting too much time he would often mock his producer by saying "Gotta go, move it along!" in a deep voice.