List of Strangers with Candy characters


This is a list of characters from the Comedy Central original program Strangers with Candy.

The Blanks

Jerri Blank

Geraldine Antonia "Jerri" Blank was born in 1953 to a drunken Aramapu squaw, who traded her for a pitcher of beer. She was adopted by Guy Blank and his wife, whom she believes to be her real mother. In 1967, Jerri dropped out of high school and ran away from home. During her absence, her adoptive mother died and her father married a second wife, Sara, who is around Jerri's own age. Around 1984, Jerri was living in Florida, where she was beaten by a border guard and lost a tooth. That same year, she became pregnant by either an obese, harelipped bail bondsman or a Cuban. She gave birth to a child, Ricky, whom she traded for a guitar. She claims to have had several other pregnancies, all of which were aborted, or possibly miscarried, considering her drug addiction. She served several prison sentences, most recently because she, as worded in the introduction, “stoled a TV”. In 1999, Jerri returned to Flatpoint and re-enrolled in high school at the age of 46.
She is openly racist, though she appears to be completely oblivious to this fact. For example, she denied any racism to her friend Paul Cotton immediately before showing him her heavily stereotyped drawing of a "Chinaman". She often compares her Filipino friend Orlando to a monkey, although her remarks aren’t meant to cause offense. She also makes randomly anti-Semitic remarks, which are curious because she doesn't know any Jewish people. At one point, she feels compelled to apologize to her diary for being racist to it. Jerri's bigotry is always presented as an example of her stupidity and ignorance, and she has never been violent towards any of the minority groups she insults; however, in the twisted, valueless world of the show, her views are never really contradicted or punished, and she is inevitably allowed to carry on with her behavior. The show's storylines also provide her with many opportunities to be insensitive to other groups, such as the blind and the disabled.
Jerri is not very intelligent, but she is a shrewd thief and resourceful drug user. She was illiterate until the episode "The Blank Page," where she tried out for cheerleading and was shunned because she guessed that "V-I-C-T-O-R-Y" spelled "Win!", but Mr. Noblet helped her learn to read. She is a violin prodigy, as seen in the episode "To Be Young, Gifted, and Blank." In that episode, she was also the timpanist for the school's orchestra. At the end of "Yes, You Can't," she is seen playing the drums for "Carry On Wayward Son," perhaps leading the viewer to believe that she is a talented drummer as well. In "Trail of Tears," Jerri proves herself to be an excellent "Indian": she's a great archer, scalper, and torch-thrower. She also does not seem to be above any form of inappropriate intercourse, once saying that she and a boy she had just discovered was her son could still make out, or continuing to have sex after being diagnosed with syphilis, gonorrhea, and crabs.
Jerri seems to have quite a collection of wigs and wears an inordinate amount of makeup. Sedaris intended her to look "like somebody who owns snakes". She has a very large genital piercing and sports tattoos across her knuckles. Despite all the effort she puts into her appearance and her own belief that she is quite sexy, over the course of the series she is frequently mistaken for an old man. She is desperate to be liked and accepted, even going so far as to join a cult with this purpose in mind.
In the series finale, "The Last Temptation of Blank," Jerri's big heart caused the most popular girl in school to run off to become a junkie whore like her, and later she, Principal Blackman, Mr. Jellineck, and Mr. Noblet decide to become whores after they burn down the school, as they feel this life direction "beats teaching."

Guy Blank

Guy Blank is Jerri’s adoptive father, shown only in a voiceless, frozen state during mid-action. Guy appeared in the pilot and in the episodes “Old Habits, New Beginnings”, “A Burden’s Burden”, “Who Wants Cake?”, “Bogie Nights”, “Feather in the Storm”, “Jerri is Only Skin Deep”, and finally “The Goodbye Guy”. In this episode, he is mauled to death by dogs, traumatizing Jerri but allowing her to learn the lesson that "you can never really lose your parents, unless of course they die, and then they're gone forever." Guy played the violin until the death of Jerri’s mother, after which he developed a seeming hatred for the instrument. Evidence points to Guy Blank as being a racist; he evidently calls Principal Blackman by “an ugly word,” requested that “no darkies” attend his funeral, and owned some Klan robes - this may also have contributed to Jerri's racism. Based on one picture Jerri finds after Guy’s death, it appears that in the continuity of the show, it was Guy and not Steve McMichael who joined the Four Horsemen professional wrestling stable in 1996.
Removed from the regular cast list after the first season, he is credited as guest star in later appearances.

Sara Blank

Sara Blank is Jerri’s alcoholic stepmother who favors her son over her stepdaughter and has an ongoing affair with Stew, the meat man. While she is generally quite prim, she is also openly racist. She was in every episode except “Yes, You Can’t” and “The Blank Page”. She is quite disdainful of Jerri, but she delivers most of her lines with a sugary sweetness that hides much of her true venom. She makes no secret of wanting Jerri out of the house, but for some reason she goes along with the idea of Jerri as a high-school girl and treats Jerri more like an unwanted teenage daughter than a 40-something-year-old woman. Sara was an actress when she was young and played Peter Pan in a stage production; when Jerri got a role in A Raisin in the Sun, Sara became very bitter, drunkenly sobbing, “Peter Pan has gotten old!” On one occasion, though, Sara seemed almost caring toward Jerri, taking an interest in whom she was inviting to a dance and offering to reinforce the “trouble spots” on her dress if it turned out Jerri took one of the violent students.
While Sara and Derrick seem to despise Jerri, when Jerri briefly vanished from their lives, they made a big show of being worried and consoling each other; of course, every time the phone rang, they picked it up only to immediately hang it up again. Eventually, they cut the phone cord with a butcher knife and took no further action to find Jerri.
Removed from the regular cast list after the first season, in later appearances she is credited as guest star.

Derrick Blank

Derrick Blank is Jerri’s junior varsity jock half-brother who is suspected of being a closeted homosexual. In “Is My Daddy Crazy?”, when Jerri was hosting a sleepover, his mother urged him to hide in the closet and masturbate to the scene of high-school girls having a pillow fight, but he declined in favor of reading his “gladiator magazines.” He was, however, entranced by guest-star Winona Ryder in the series finale “The Last Temptation of Blank”. Another clue to his alleged homosexuality comes in “Is Freedom Free?” when Mr. Jellineck, sporting only a Speedo, declares that he’s “going to see Derrick”. Jellineck, a closeted homosexual, would have little other reason to visit Derrick, especially in a Speedo.
Derrick typically refers to Jerri as “Plug” or “Troll”, and in several episodes he appears close to striking her, but something - a doorknob, his father's hand - always holds him back. Jerri's usual retort to his bullying is calling him a "faggot". He has a crew of jock friends, and they enjoy bullying blind kids and other unfortunates. They also have a garage band, from which one member is ejected for being too talented and making the others look bad. On one occasion, after one of their targets verbally shot them down, Derrick suggested to his friends that they “go watch some gay porn and get our hate back!” He was in every episode except “Yes, You Can't”, “The Blank Page”, “To Love, Honor, and Pretend”, and “Bully”.
Removed from the regular cast list after the first season, he is credited in later appearances as guest star.

Stew

Stew is the lover that Sara Blank took after Guy Blank’s death. He is married and has two children, Chuck and Patty. He is a “meat man,” a butcher and meat delivery man, which is used as a basis for puns and other running gags throughout the series. In “Is My Daddy Crazy?”, he went temporarily insane and coated the house with cheese before his reflection fired him, and he was cured by Jerri drilling a hole through his skull.
He appeared in many episodes of the first and second seasons before Guy’s death, in close relationship with Sara, leading many to strongly suspect they were having an affair. Even before Guy's death, he filled the role of father to Jerri, first by being unthoughtful and emotionally abusive like Sara, and then by being loving and attentive when he became completely insane.
Stew’s name is intentionally spelled like the food, as is confirmed by his work shirt which has S-T-E-W on the name tag.

Flatpoint faculty

Chuck Noblet

Charles "Chuck" Noblet is a bitter history teacher at Flatpoint High School. He seems to make up almost everything he teaches, stating that in light of the Japanese American internment, "it's important that we never forget the atrocities that the Japanese committed against our boys", that "following his violent revolution, Gandhi was devoured by his followers", that "the tragedy" of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s life "is that all this footage is in black and white; imagine how powerful it would have been in color", that "the tragic irony of the Trojan War" is that "though it was fought over Helen, who was young and beautiful, by the time they rescued her ten years later, she was old and ugly", and that "the Opium War was fought in 1840 to 1842 between the Chinese and the Mexicans".
The subject Noblet teaches changes often over the course of the series, and in the film he teaches science. Noblet frequently wears cowboy boots. He secretly desires to be a rock star and appears to idolize the band Kansas in particular. He is also in a secret love affair with Jellineck and frequently refers to his wife, Clair, to maintain his appearance of heterosexuality. He has a son, Seamus, who is mentioned but never seen in the series. Noblet seems to harbor more guilt and shame over his sexuality than Jellineck and will instantly abandon him in order to keep his own homosexuality a secret, but the two appear to have genuine feelings for each other; whenever their relationship is in trouble, Noblet will weep wretchedly. The two sometimes consummate their affair through roleplaying: pretending to "bump into each other" for the first time, introducing themselves, and ultimately sneaking off somewhere to have sex.
Noblet appeared in all episodes except “The Virgin Jerri”. In the final episode of the series, Noblet openly tells his class about the “hot, ass-thumping sex” that he and Jellineck enjoy; however, the class was not paying attention since it was the final week of school. In an interview with Terry Gross, Colbert addressed the question of why Noblet is always so cruel to Jerri, saying that Noblet is miserably repressed and has built his entire life on lies, which has placed him in constant fear of exposure, and he is thus deeply threatened and resentful of Jerri for always asking questions and trying to figure her life out.

Clair Noblet

Clair Noblet is Chuck Noblet’s wife, who is only seen three times in the series. It is believed that she and Chuck have a strained marriage, and she seems to exist only as his beard. In one scene, Chuck asks her "Will we be having sex tonight?" When she says no, he is relieved and can fall asleep.

Geoffrey Jellineck

Geoffrey Jellineck is Jerri’s flamboyant, insecure, narcissistic art teacher. He appeared in all episodes except “Blank Stare: Part 1”. Jellineck has repeatedly stated he is a “confirmed bachelor”, though he refers to imaginary children and a dead wife as part of his odd fantasy life, most notably in “A Burden’s Burden”. He revealed that he became wealthy after allegedly participating in his rich aunt’s death in “A Price Too High for Riches”, the Season 2 finale, which must have taken place chronologically after Season 2, Episode 3, “Yes, You Can’t”, where Jellineck briefly becomes homeless after quitting his job. He and Chuck Noblet share a homosexual relationship, which is allegedly secret, although everyone but Blackman seems to know about it. Jellineck is superficially a very kind and sunny person, and he is generally very encouraging to Jerri, albeit without having much actually valuable guidance to offer. Paul Dinello has said that this aspect of the character was based on the personalities of teachers and professors who try to be "one of the kids" and think they're succeeding, but in reality are regarded as slightly creepy. Beneath the surface, Jellineck has plenty of rage and despair, and these dark emotions surface with very little provocation. He has been bullied by his students and even by one of the school's teachers, although he is a pacifist and refuses to fight back. On one memorable occasion, Jellineck lost his face in a car accident caused by Jerri, although it was eventually found and restored. After it was first reattached, it nearly blew away in the wind, but otherwise he seems to have made a full recovery.

Onyx Blackman

Onyx Blackman is the overly stern principal of Flatpoint High who appeared in all thirty episodes. He rules Flatpoint High with an iron fist, insisting that his likeness be placed in as many prominent positions throughout the school as possible, including, but not limited to, the school letterman jackets, the buses, silk robes, every classroom, air fresheners, art projects, restrooms, paper towels, and even behind shelves. He also seems to take great pleasure in making announcements over the loudspeaker which include phrases such as "Hearken to my voice!" and are accompanied on at least one occasion by his secretary, Iris Puffybush, dramatically playing the bongos.
Various episodes establish that Blackman has a gambling problem, is divorced, still lives with his parents, and has a fetish for middle-aged white women. Blackman apparently enjoys a very active sex life. For some reason, he is absolutely clueless about Noblet and Jellineck's ongoing affair, even when confronted with fairly obvious evidence. He is concerned about the reputation of the school insofar as his lifestyle and livelihood depend on it, but he displays very little interest in his students themselves or in education in general. As a black man, he is frequently the object of other characters' racism, but, perhaps due to his naturally callous approach to sensitive matters, seems to accept it without objection.

Cherri Wolf

Coach Cherri Wolf is the Flatpoint gym coach and a suspected lesbian/bisexual. While she is depicted as a stereotypical “dyke” coach for most of the show’s run, she apparently fell in love with Geoffrey Jellineck while they were pretending to be married during “To Love, Honor, and Pretend”, but he broke her heart when he left their fake marriage to go back to his secret relationship with Chuck Noblet. She claimed to be a virgin well into adulthood and preached abstinence to her students, but then she slept with a fiery Latino pizza chef in “The Virgin Jerri”. Coach Wolf also worked at the pizza parlor to make ends meet. Her class was rebuilt into a Sticky Bunnery in the last episode, and she got a job there, citing better pay and child care.

Iris Puffybush

Iris Puffybush is the school secretary in such episodes as “To Love, Honor, and Pretend” and “Bully”. Duffy also pops up in other places throughout the show, such as a secretary in the doctor's office in "Jerri’s Burning Issue” and a nurse in “Hit and Run”.

Cassie Pines

Cassie Pines is the student counselor at Flatpoint High, and, as such, her first responsibility is, of course, to the teachers. She openly despises the students and clearly hates her job, giving horrible advice to Jerri after her father died. At the end of the series, she got a job in the Sticky Bunnery alongside Coach Wolfe. According to the audio commentary, Cassie Pines' name is a reference to coffins as caskets made of pinewood.

Jazzy

Jazzy is the music teacher at Flatpoint High with an affection for the female students that he must find clever ways to curb. He misses his days as a heroin addict.

Joe Liss

Flatpoint students

Orlando Pinatubo

Orlando "Or" Pinatubo is Jerri’s best friend, a Filipino whom she constantly mocks because of his race. In the first season especially, he had a huge crush on Jerri and was not above spreading rumors about her love interests to stop her from seeing them. Sadly, Jerri does not reciprocate his romantic feelings. Like Tammi Littlenut, he is very innocent, always expects the best of Jerri, and is crestfallen when she inevitably disappoints him. He is close to his family, and they hold “parties” where they dance and tell stories with their hands. In the final episode, Orlando and Tammi have both become obsessed with a Dungeons and Dragons–like role-playing game, perhaps their nerdiest development yet.
The character Megawatti Sukarnoputri is used in the film version.

Tammi Littlenut

Tammi Littlenut is Jerri’s best girlfriend and frequent object of her lust. In most cases, she is grounded and sane, providing a voice of reason and normalcy in the odd social structure of Flatpoint High and tries to give Jerri good advice, though she never takes it. Like Orlando, she is a very sweet and innocent person who never seems to grasp how sleazy Jerri truly is. However, in very rare instances, Tammi can be seen joining in with other Flatpointers in acts of bullying and paranoia. Additionally, in “Invisible Love”, she had a close romantic relationship with the school’s science teacher. Frequently referred to as "Tammela", “Coppertop”, and “Nuttage” or as a “redheaded spitfire” by Jerri, Tammi occasionally brings out a more masculine side in Jerri: Jerri has become quite aggressive when defending Tammi from bullies, and when Tammi and Jerri were charged with taking care of a baby, Jerri quickly fell into the role of an emotionally abusive, deadbeat dad to Tammi's intimidated housewife.

Chip Beavers

Chip Beavers appears in the episodes "Jerri Is Only Skin Deep", "Who Wants Cake?", "The Blank Page", "Hit and Run", "Trail of Tears", "Invisible Love", and "Is My Daddy Crazy?" Chip's main characterization is usually to raise his hand and attempt to answer a question usually supplied by Noblet, only to get yelled at.

Jimmy Tickles

Jimmy Tickles is Tammi and Jerri’s diminutive and presumably gay friend. Often he is spontaneously beaten up by jocks for no definite reason, though his beatings often follow particularly flamboyant dialog or actions of Jimmy’s. Jerri forced him to have sex with her in the girls’ bathroom at the end of "The Virgin Jerri". Early appearances, also before the beatings, showed him as being a relatively heterosexual, straight-laced student.

One-time students

Father

Father is the leader of the cult that Jerri joined out of loneliness and depression in "Blank Stare" parts 1 and 2. By the end of "Blank Stare - Part 2", he is so sick of Jerri, he arranges to have her taken back by Blackman, Noblet, Jellineck, and the Flatpoint High staff.

Random career guy

The random career guy is a heavyset possibly early-30-something guy who is seen in three episodes doing different jobs. In "Yes, You Can't", he was a recruitment coach for the local artificial flower company; in "Trail of Tears", he was an Indian operating the controls at a railroad ride, when Jerri started throwing rocks at him; and in "Blank Relay", he was the "NutraWhiz clerk" at a pharmacy, giving Jerri steroids.